My Son wants a Beaver Cut!

My son has been whining about his hair ever since the news broke about Dustin Beaver chopping off his hairdo.
He's in a real state of panic about that. He won't come out of his room for nothing, well he's always had some issues with leaving that damn room. I think he's one of them agoraphobics or pubics, whatever they call it when you get scare to leave the house. My son is not only scared to leave the house, but his room too, so what is that?
 Anyway! this morning I hear him screaming up a storm about this Beaver guy and that hair cut fiasco. I said who the hell cares doll? I mean why the heck would some kid getting his hair cut make anyone get that emotional? I can just imagine what the world would do if this kid announced that he shaved his pubic hairs. My son now wants to get his hair to look like this Beaver, but the problem is my son is almost bald and 42 years old! So hes very upset. He keeps playing that Baby song all freak'n' day! I just can't take it anymore!

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I remember back in my day, after I did that picture "Sister Mary and her Magic Braids" in 1969. This picture was about a nun with superpowers that fought crime with her braided hairs. I would take my habit down and do a shake of my head and these gold braids made of some flammable plastic would fall out to some cheesy music. Do you know I got some major whiplash from doing this picture? I had to constantly swing my head around  and make sure my braids would hit the lenses of the camera, the movie was one of 'em 3-D pictures,see. This movie caused such a stir with this one catholic church  in Jersey City. On it's premiere night at the Jersey City Cinema, that basically played porn, all these priests and nuns stood in front of the place with these picket signs protesting it. Some of the signs read "Get Rid of That Hair, No Nun Would Wear!", "God Hates Golden Braids" and "Sister Mary Ain't No Sister Of Mine". I didn't care I thought of it as great publicity, but that night became the end of my picture. This church didn't like the fact that my character  sister Mary's hair was in braids and they thought that just because of that alone made the church look bad. During the screening of this picture right at the part when I started to attack a bunch of rabbis at a pickle barrel blessing, all the nuns from that picket line broke into the theater and started to attack all 10 of us! It was just horrible, mainly because we all thought it was the 3-D, I was getting slapped in the face, saying to myself  "What the hell are they nuts? Who's gonna see a picture that in the end will give ya black and blues.. and who the hell is this bitch in my shot?". Well them bastards got into the projection booth some how and got their hands on all the reels of film, took it back to the church and had a burning ceremony. The stupid director used the only print for the premiere and the film negatives were lost somewhere, this picture never was seen again!
Just horrible how some of these damn people get, just because of a simple hairdo!

Smear Alert

I awoke to one horrible gawd damn day and so here i am venting it all out on this here Blog thing for all ya strangers.
I get a call at approximatively 8:30 in the AMs from Gerty Waldbaulm, she says "Pat are ya up?" so I say "What are ya stupid... Who ya think is talk'n here to ya". She goes on to tell me that Mitzi Ann can't pick her up for Bingo this morning and If I could. Being the good friend I am I said "of course honey pie, just be ready in an hour".
I hung up with that dingbat, made my coffee, checked my Facebrick, turned on Regis and Kitty...with the volume off cause they give me a headache...thank god hes retiring and I took a nice shower. As I am In the shower, my son Stephen who I call Dick started to bang on the bathroom door like some crazy person... like a freak'n NUT. I mean he scared the crap out of me.....I truly mean this LITERALLY! ...all over my thighs and legs.. DISGUSTING! I had soap in my eyes and slipped in the tub onto by back. Pain!! The pain was terrible! As I am laying there feeling like Janet Leigh after she got stabbed to death in that "Psychos" picture, my son breaks in the damn door..NUTS! I hear him plop his ass down on the toilet, as well as other sounds. Between the shower and my son it sounded like a wounded duck in a rain storm in there. I am moaning he's moaning with farts and water hitting the tub.

I luckily got myself up from that bath tub floor, I mean at my age I could've broke every damn bone in my beautiful body. This also made me wonder if them Med Alert things are waterproof, they don't say on the commercial.. What a horrifying thought of all these poor old people lying there naked on a bathtub floor grasping onto this ugly white box hanging on this cheap rope around their necks..DEAD! Horrible...just horrible.
I wonder if they make 'em Med Alerts with an option to play them MSGs so I can listen to some Judy Garland, with an option to buzz an ambulance. Them Apple people should think about us older people and come out with something like a I-Alert, or something and make the damn thing rechargeable for gawds sakes. They can have a nice line of designer colors, then again I guess I could always glue on one of Joan Rivers earing's onto the box.
I had a friend one time who wore one of these things have a hear attack at the drive-thru of a Burger King . Apparently she mistook the voice boxes and had placed an order for a large Whoppers with cheese with them Med Alert people and the cry for help with the Burger King people..

Porn on the TV? MVD(music tv) Shins?

I don't know if i am doing the Blog thing right, but here I go on with another post for ya.

I'm sitting here thinking what I can bring to you with this Blog. BTW who thought of calling this a Blog.. It sounds like something that happends while on a toilet if ya ask me... anyway ahhh hmm,

Here's a beautiful photo of me from 1951 at the after party for my picture "She doesn't look Swedish?". Don't I look gorgeously sexy here? This was a very popular picture in Yugoslavia and they just loved this picture. I was getting fan mail for 2 months from them Slavic folks by the time it was released there, but damn It If I knew what the hell they were writing.
I only saw five minutes of this film at the premiere, since the inexperienced projectionist accidentally spliced the 1st reel of this picture with some damn Shirley Temple movie.. It was their next attraction.  One second you see me with this whip and all a sudden it's cuts into Shirley Temples crying "No please" whatever..she started to sing and that was it. It did manage to get a huge applause by the director who died thinking he filmed a movie with Temple. The after party was wonderful they served one of the best grilled cheese sandwiches I to this day never had again. I wish I could  remember the cheese they used, DELISH. I'd like to say limberger? hmmm.


Today I woke up and looked out my window and saw that NY had been attacked yet again by mother bitch nature, What the hell is going on here? I don't ever remember seeing this many snowstorms within the same year before.  Though It does bring back memories. It reminds me of that great party at Debbie Ryans house in the 60's. Oh what a fun party that was to get stuck in a snowstorm. When this woman wasn't singing and dancing for her guests..she was running to the toilet powdering her nose, if ya know what i mean. She was so high after singing that hit song of her's for the twelfth time, "Tangy" or sometin" like that.. she ran outside to snort the ground. She even cleaned all that snow off my car, what a snout! I think she wounded up with ammonia the next day.

 Then I remember 1947, I was such a young little thing.  Yes it was 1947 in the month of February. I was doing this off off Broadway show called "Hit That". During it's only performance there was a snowstorm brewing out there. This was a small theater with about 30 seats and only 5 people were in the audience.  I was in the middle of my musical number "Watch Your Hands, Buster!" and someone in the 2nd row, which was basically the back row.. screamed out "I got to get home! Snow IS PILLING UP!!! CAN YOU HURRY UP with this show already PAT!. I stopped singing and told my father to "get the hell out of here! then".  In the 1st row there was this pervert, I'll never forget! he was felling himself up.. I said, "Get the hell out of here too, you disgusting person!!... Go home with DADDY!!!", my brother had issues, I don't wanna talk about. The other 3 people had already left before all this.

I hate the snow! I HATE IT! I swear I need to get the hell out of NY! I'm too old for this cold and wet stuff.  I hate to shovel. A Mexican with a snow blower passed by me when I was out there yesterday, I asked this cute little Mexican ask if I would like him to snow blow me..sob I almost drowned! I said I didn't want it blown on me your dummy!! Clean my damn paths..He's doing it now! he want's $20...which reminds me I have to go now and doll myself up. I plan on getting away with this one at least half price.  I betta change my husbands diapers..as they are also cold and wet and stink from here to high heaven. Ohhh..there goes the doorbell. It's SHOWTIME once again in the Smear home. "Coming you cute little tamale..yes nice pink taco..nice, nice". He don't know what he's gotten himself into.

My friend Ethel Myer Weenier called last night to tell me that MVD that music channel started showing porn.. some show called "Shins" ya ever hear of this? Well I taped it and I tell ya what a disgrace!, disgusting! just terrible! there was not one money shot! don't watch it!! a let down I tell you. I would've put this on to set the mood for my little cutie pie sombrero. Oh whatever! that ain't porn! It's just CRAP! Oh well I gonna run kiddies... Talk to ya later. Gawd willing!
Xoxo,
Patricia

Getting to know ME! My 1st post!

Before I start this thing I must say I never done this before.. I mean I never even heard of a Blog or almost understood what It is until recently. When someone would say Blog I thought they were talking about that last picture Joan Crawford did "Trog". Oh how silly of me for gawd sakes. So from what was told by my son this is supposed to be a diary type thing? Well this is for all my fans out there like Jim and Alan who still write me snail mail after all these years. Well I think Alan passed on a month ago, so this 1st Trog is dedicated to Alan wherever you may be.

My name Is Patricia Smear.. sure you never heard of me. I am an old movie goddess of the screen, well in some places a torn or stained one, or both.I did what some folks like to call 'B' pictures or in my case 'F' pictures but certainly not 'G' pictures. I was also a model, singer and one of the very first go go dancers.
Retired now with a husband Ernie who doesn’t know what day it is or year, oh it ain't pretty I'll tell ya more about him later. My beautiful son Richard Smear, we all call him Dick, he always brightens my day that kid. He always says he's gay..how many kids today say that their happy? How many really, I am blessed. He spends a little more time in his room with the doors locked more than I'd like, but he's gay so that's all that really matters, my Dick is gay!. You'd think he would find a nice girl, get married and get the HELL outta here already!...for gawd sakes! My daughter Sharon, well she's a little bit of another story, A tramp! a WHORE! A SLUT! Oh gawd I can not express anymore than that...really I can't. This woman has about a kid every other week.. I will not go any further into that. She has spawned so many damn grand kids for me, I think some of them were left in my attic a few years ago.. reminds me to get my son to see if that's where the strange smell is coming from. So DISGUSTING. I got to pick her up at the clinic later on today, I almost forgot. She thank gawd doesn't live with me, though she might as well since she's here more than I see my son who actually lives here for Christ sakes. I babysit a lot for this girl as she's constantly working.. she has some job too, different men almost every night. I really don't know what she does come to think of it.. but sure sounds like she's a damn HOOKER. Enough about her! I love Bingo! that is my recreation of choice besides going out on dates with different men in the neighborhood, like Harvey Welks that good humor Ice cream man who I'm seeing later on tonight..oh yeah ..I Scream for his CREAM!, anyway.... Me and my husband had been married for over 50 years.... nice marriage, still going strong after all these years. He wears Depends by the way. I have to change them.. that is when I remember. Them undergarments are expensive! I usually go on Ebay to by them in bulk by sellers from China. I've been using this one brand called Dripends and it's very absorbent and damn nice to look at too, It has a sculpted pouch for where his ding a ling is and it has these LED lights all around the poo poo and wee wee area. What I like about them is these diapers will change colors to let you know if they have to be change.. Green clean, Blue Poo, Yellow if ya don't change this ya may get a puddle. Red means he's got a rash on his Ass!. HA HAAAAAAAA. I just love what these foreign countries come up with. Mood diapers! how cute, he can turn any dark room into a disco. HA HAAAAAAA! though they do really have to make ones that change themselves..cause they're disgusting.. I'm scared I could electrocute myself when I am changing them. Then the room would look like a super disco! Ahhh
Back to me now...
Like I was saying earlier I was a movie queen of yesterdays.. I'd say at least 95 percent of the pictures I've done either got lost or destroyed, I made pictures with extremely low budget company's and directors. Like ""Babes In Bondage of '39" which was actually made in 1963, a wonderful movie that I wish someone could find. I danced my little ass off in that one as well whipped someones ass off too. This film wasn't too well received by any churches or synagogues or by anyone at all frankly. I think it played halfway through at the premiere in this cold basement in Canarsie.
Other pictures I remember very well were such phenomenal pieces of joy were; "It's Gay,Gay,Gay" (1948), 'Whatever Happened to Mother Snatch" (1965), "The Crotch Crabs" (1961), "Pussycat High" (1974) and something called "Don't eat my taco" I have no idea to when I did this one but I did. It was about these illegal aliens crossbreeding or was it cross dressing? Something at the border and I played this woman named Annie Lipslits and I ran some taco stand.. at the border, I don't remember the plot, I just know it was wonderful comedy musical. I also did have some wonderful bit parts like in this picture, my whole scene can be seen at the starting mark 1:16 to 1:25, yes siree that's me in that white dress.

Let me tell ya, I suffered bruises all over my body from that shoot and that was MY damn dress that got destroyed in the process, all I got was $10 and a turkey dinner at Howard Jonson's, just terrible.

Well I got to run for now and meet up with some of my girlie friends at IHOP for lunch and then do some shopping at WalMart, I have to pick up some new sheets and toilet paper. I'll talk to ya later..gawd willing.

Kisses,
Patricia