My Son wants a Beaver Cut!

My son has been whining about his hair ever since the news broke about Dustin Beaver chopping off his hairdo.
He's in a real state of panic about that. He won't come out of his room for nothing, well he's always had some issues with leaving that damn room. I think he's one of them agoraphobics or pubics, whatever they call it when you get scare to leave the house. My son is not only scared to leave the house, but his room too, so what is that?
 Anyway! this morning I hear him screaming up a storm about this Beaver guy and that hair cut fiasco. I said who the hell cares doll? I mean why the heck would some kid getting his hair cut make anyone get that emotional? I can just imagine what the world would do if this kid announced that he shaved his pubic hairs. My son now wants to get his hair to look like this Beaver, but the problem is my son is almost bald and 42 years old! So hes very upset. He keeps playing that Baby song all freak'n' day! I just can't take it anymore!

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I remember back in my day, after I did that picture "Sister Mary and her Magic Braids" in 1969. This picture was about a nun with superpowers that fought crime with her braided hairs. I would take my habit down and do a shake of my head and these gold braids made of some flammable plastic would fall out to some cheesy music. Do you know I got some major whiplash from doing this picture? I had to constantly swing my head around  and make sure my braids would hit the lenses of the camera, the movie was one of 'em 3-D pictures,see. This movie caused such a stir with this one catholic church  in Jersey City. On it's premiere night at the Jersey City Cinema, that basically played porn, all these priests and nuns stood in front of the place with these picket signs protesting it. Some of the signs read "Get Rid of That Hair, No Nun Would Wear!", "God Hates Golden Braids" and "Sister Mary Ain't No Sister Of Mine". I didn't care I thought of it as great publicity, but that night became the end of my picture. This church didn't like the fact that my character  sister Mary's hair was in braids and they thought that just because of that alone made the church look bad. During the screening of this picture right at the part when I started to attack a bunch of rabbis at a pickle barrel blessing, all the nuns from that picket line broke into the theater and started to attack all 10 of us! It was just horrible, mainly because we all thought it was the 3-D, I was getting slapped in the face, saying to myself  "What the hell are they nuts? Who's gonna see a picture that in the end will give ya black and blues.. and who the hell is this bitch in my shot?". Well them bastards got into the projection booth some how and got their hands on all the reels of film, took it back to the church and had a burning ceremony. The stupid director used the only print for the premiere and the film negatives were lost somewhere, this picture never was seen again!
Just horrible how some of these damn people get, just because of a simple hairdo!