Saturday, June 16, 2012

Gawd damn world is ending! Gawd damn bath salts and dumb people! I just can't take it!
Can't even go to the park with ya grand kid without worrying about having ya face eaten, used to be ya only had to worry about which bench ya sat at. in case some ass decided to feed them dirty Gawd damn birds.
Can't tell ya how many damn times a bird took a dump on my beautiful hair! oh my Gawd now we have to worry about ZOMBIE PEOPLE TOO!?

OH GAWD!! Where the hell is my agent?! I need a gig, so I can get the hell out of HERE!

My Gawd look at that! They really are pushing this Bath Salt crap! We are all doomed!

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Daughter made the paper! Bad PR is GOOD PR.. BUT!

MY GAWD DAMN DAUGHTER AGAIN!!!! she can't for ONE second keep herself out of the DAMN PAPER! I am try'n to get back in the biz and here she is RUINING my REPUTATION! oh my Gawd!  And SHE has the nerve to say this kid looks like ME!  Oh my GAWD!

Friday, May 11, 2012

Zing-A Zing-A Zing Boom

I just can't wait for summer to start, even though I put on some fat on every part of my beautiful body. I don't know how it happened! Maybe it has to do with just siting on my ass all freak'n winter? Oh my ass got so big, I don't understand! I sat on my toilet and looked down and saw four legs, two in the front which my legs of course and my ass which dropped down the sides..what a wake up call. Please this whole winter I just couldn't bring myself to get moving on some contraption to sweat it off. I am old I could fall and break my neck or somethin' here. No way Jose am I gonna risk it, but at the same time I don't have the dough ray mes to get a hack job from Dr. no I must find the will power to shake it all to shape...speak'n of such, i wonder how them things work? See the commercial on the TV all the time, that thing you hold in your hands like a penis and it vibrates.. shakes and shakes. Oh gawd I am getting aroused and dizzy at the same time just think'n bout it. I always spot that commercial during Nancy Grace, i don't know why. I love her, that Nancy Grace show is something else, she looks like the Dutch Boy paint guy. She has an accent I think she's a Southerner.
I went shop'n with my daughter the other day at the mall on Wanker ave and I tell ya shop'n ain't the same as it used to be, damn stores just seem to cater to these young tramps that watch them idiots on that "Jersey City" show. I stopped at one of my..what used to be my favorite shops "Tits". I found only one gown that looked good on me (see pic above there). I almost could not fit in my regular size, which isn't anyones bees wax, but just couldn't get into it, tore the crap to shreds, so says the sales gal there whose name is Ronda. She had the gawd damn nerve to say I ripped it... How dare she, the material is at fault not me.. it was made in Indonesia.
I said maybe it was your fat ass that ripped it Ronda!, how the hell would I know them seems weren't ready to unravel by the time I got my foot in there. I said to her "Don't ya know who ya talk'n to here" and she had the nerve to say "Huh". I don't want to talk about it. I will never step into "Tits" ever again, until they answer my E-mail complaint and send me an apology and coupon.
Oh I think I'll go meet up with Alice and Trudy at IHOP later, too down right now to think about exercising right now. In the mood for them crapes with chicken pieces in that tan sauce, whatever the hell that is.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

My New Baby Grand Daughter!

My daughter Sharon has given birth to another baby, this one makes number 59... that is full term, that is. 
People have already said it looks like ME!, them rat bastards!
I personally think it looks like the father.
Look at how my lovely whore of a daughter holds her new spawn of terror! 
She had already asked If I would babysit this thing!!
Is she insane? I am not gonna have this ugly child in my HOUSE cry'n all hours of the night, while I watch my shows on the TV.
I told her to flush it, Am I wrong for saying so? 
She had the nerve to actually flush it in my OWN TOILET!! Now I have to be scared that it may make it's way up the damn DRAIN pipe when I am sitt'n! 
How dare she!! Not one minute of peace in this HOUSE!

R.I.P. Henrietta

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Meet my Aunt Tessie, you want her? SHE'S YOURS!

This here is my Aunt Tessie, after the woman died her husband had her stuffed. Here she's been sitting for about 25 yrs in my GAWD damn basement in the corner, since I was the lucky SOB to inherit her corpse..when her sicko husband died. She had no kids, thank Gawd, really... look at her?

 I had put her up on E-Bay and that Greg's list.. I can't get any takers. I've been keeping a sheet on her, I don't want to look at her!! I just can't take it!! I mean I even forgot she was there, until one day I heard a ruckus in the basement.. my husband was tryin' to hump her! I mean...when I say disgusting!!! I mean DISGUSTING!
I mean she was very useful during Halloween time, cause I would just have her sit outside in front of my door, and not one damn brat bothered me! ... NO I can't have her here ANYMORE!!
I think I just gonna have to throw her out at the McDonald's dumpster tomorrow... I mean have my son dump her there.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

No Time For Babysitting!

My daughter just dropped off her kids for me to watch, as I was just stepping out to meet Girtie and Jan for dinner.
I'm getting into my car and off. I hope the 2 month old knows how to clean up the dishes.. I had no time this morning. Shoot.. I did leave my new and very sharpe knife set in good reach of the 2yr old...oh and that liquid drain cleaner...couldn't find the cap for......hmm at a light now, should I drive back to make sure I didn't leave the electric heater on? .... No, it's one of them energy efficient ones.
I hope they stay CLEAR AWAY from my outlets, a couple of them have the wires just hanging out, meaning to get them fixed... I told Gawd damn Jullo to make sure he had them things fixed before he finished chopp'n my bush..that lazy son of a B!

 No one is home except that rabid pit bull my son started watching for his friend, them people always have them crazy animals....
Good green light! Well I'm off to Ruby Thursdays.

Oh my GAWD I think I ran over something a few blocks back... I see what looks like a little blanket ....and ...with cute little...hmm..teddy bears printed on it ....its stuck in my drivers side rear wheel fender waving to the the hell that get there! Why are they honking at me for ....for Christmas sakes!,  it's my blanket now!!
 ..what are those red stains all over it! What the hell is that?... looks like Jello...what is THAT?

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Don't believe them tabloids!!! *It's not what it seems!

 I was minding my own damn business as I was pass'n that disgusting dirty book store between Philashio and Oralrectus blvd, when I saw something ya NEVER see come out of them type places... His name is Geraldo.. GAWD damn FOREIGNER.. he was just ask'n me for directions is all and some sob took this picture.
YES he was making moan'n sounds, I couldn't understand one damn word! 
It's not what it LOOKS LIKE FOR CRY'N OUT LOUD! 
I dropped my purse!!!!
Can't have no GAWD damn privacy anymore with all these damn gadgets all over the damn place.