Monday, November 28, 2011

Go Gay Hairspray!

Maybe ya don’t remember my very own hairspray line back in the 50’s during my short retirement from the biz, this was around 1955.
I just completed my never seen hit picture “The Singing Swans of the Baskervilles”  in 1954 with director Lenny Schmidt, perhaps ya remember his claim to fame picture.. ”The Swedes go to France”.  Well it won some award in Israel… anyway,. I took sometime off to have a kid, which would be my daughter Sharon.
I was about six months pregnant when Elizabeth Whinefuter came to me with this idea to attach my name to this new hairspray product that was produced in China. I was given the task of coming up with it’s name, and that was it. I was going to receive 40 percent of the profits.
She wanted to just get my name on that can of spray.  She had high hopes for this to be a big success for both of us with this thing.  I came in did some photo shots for the ads and within the next month the campaign began.
Well!! I can not express how mortified I was to find out that this damn hairspray was a roach killer in China! They had so much overstock, because it didn’t make a dime there, this bitch Elizabeth imported all the left over stock of who knows how many cases of the crap to some warehouse in duck pluck Arkansas!
She then had them relabel them with the name “Go Gay by Patricia Smear’! Not even a week after this ad ya see here was published In “Better Apartments, and Fire Escapes”, I get a call from my agent Harvey Bangerwall of the mass hysteria of bad publicity that was about to hit my name.  Luckily the magazine that published this ad didn’t have that many readers and matter of facts was going out of business, this was their last issue.  There was only five cases of women who died from using this stuff on their heads.. And they all were slow, if ya know what I mean, slow.
 I was so lucky kids, not one news outlet reported this mess, except some Chinese newspaper, but who the hell could understand them words.. squiggly lines… I the sure hell can’t!

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