Zing-A Zing-A Zing Boom

I just can't wait for summer to start, even though I put on some fat on every part of my beautiful body. I don't know how it happened! Maybe it has to do with just siting on my ass all freak'n winter? Oh my ass got so big, I don't understand! I sat on my toilet and looked down and saw four legs, two in the front which my legs of course and my ass which dropped down the sides..what a wake up call. Please this whole winter I just couldn't bring myself to get moving on some contraption to sweat it off. I am old I could fall and break my neck or somethin' here. No way Jose am I gonna risk it, but at the same time I don't have the dough ray mes to get a hack job from Dr. Kevorkian...no no I must find the will power to shake it all to shape...speak'n of such, i wonder how them things work? See the commercial on the TV all the time, that thing you hold in your hands like a penis and it vibrates.. shakes and shakes. Oh gawd I am getting aroused and dizzy at the same time just think'n bout it. I always spot that commercial during Nancy Grace, i don't know why. I love her, that Nancy Grace show is something else, she looks like the Dutch Boy paint guy. She has an accent I think she's a Southerner.

I went shop'n with my daughter the other day at the mall on Wanker ave and I tell ya shop'n ain't the same as it used to be, damn stores just seem to cater to these young tramps that watch them idiots on that "Jersey City" show. I stopped at one of my..what used to be my favorite shops "Tits". I found only one gown that looked good on me (see pic above there). I almost could not fit in my regular size, which isn't anyones bees wax, but just couldn't get into it, tore the crap to shreds, so says the sales gal there whose name is Ronda. She had the gawd damn nerve to say I ripped it... How dare she, the material is at fault not me.. it was made in Indonesia.
I said maybe it was your fat ass that ripped it Ronda!, how the hell would I know them seems weren't ready to unravel by the time I got my foot in there. I said to her "Don't ya know who ya talk'n to here" and she had the nerve to say "Huh". I don't want to talk about it. I will never step into "Tits" ever again, until they answer my E-mail complaint and send me an apology and coupon.
Oh I think I'll go meet up with Alice and Trudy at IHOP later, too down right now to think about exercising right now. In the mood for them crapes with chicken pieces in that tan sauce, whatever the hell that is.